Durma brother

Turkey is chocka with new zealanders - met this kurdish guy, Kulfur, who was our waiter and had boosted across the border from iraq - he wants to come to new zealand now but doesnt have a passport being an illegal refugee- anyway if he makes it he gonna stay wif us for a week k guys?- any way he took me out to drink raki at sah and in the bar the only whities were 3 sisters from timaru and a couple, - one new zealander and american boyfriend. kiwi's are actually everywhere. even weirder the younger sister is coming to otago next year - al she's aryan so ill put in a gud word for you. got some mean photo's of us using turkish bongs but cant post yet - and these highschool guys gave me a few hits on their pipe which they had topped up with "spice" - it just made me light headed though so not sure if it was weed or possibly rubber or plastic, it's hard to say.

Yunonov Market

Hey army mike, dont have your email and apparently only 2 of my texts have made it back through russia's phone system so im guessing you wont get this but you'd love this place- i heard of this saturday market in st petersburg called yunonov which is where everything is illegal - while the claims of cheap ak47's from street stalls is unproven(guess you have to know them, or look like a round head) but the market did have everything from grotesque german porn to grotesque german tourists (heaps of german men come here and to east europe for hookers). it fact it was kinda sad. the market was kinda reined in (much like panthip plaza in bangkok these days) but they had bazillions of stolen? army stuff for sale and you could buy full current russian military police uniforms for 30 bucks US.- baton included.

Babushka's

The babushka's are always angry. I reckon we should have a drinkin nite where everyone brings a goldcoin (like mufti day) and if we get enough money we could ship some of the surplus old men from south dunedin across to russia. They could take the babushka's out to bingo afternoons at the local pectorbah. Then the babushka's would be happy because they would have boy friends (there are hardly any old men here, sergei says they all died in the war, soviet period or from too much "party time.") and i would be happy because inroads would be made into the problem of over population in south dunedin.

Russia!

I love sergei, palov, blini's, vodka, mead and baltika. And the girls - whoa rusian chicks are hot!

New Zealanders are weird

Ok, town in NZ sucks. My two best nights out this year have been in Birmingham, the Hamilton of England. Being the Hamilton of England they got a fair few germans and these germans are tolerated for one reason- the frankfurt market - holy shit man. Knocking back gluehwein, hot cherry beer, dark beer and jager hot chocolates with lashings of bratwurst, rot wurst?(i was drunk and the names are blurry), nutella crepes and suekreout(p.s. dont eat a pint of it at once, even for 2 pounds, you'll end up ty-ing on a fraulines shoes) Seeing as Al's german i expect him to make us german drinking food on demand, and to defend the Hoff's singing ability against overwhelming condeming evidence. an auzzie guy that recognised my accent sent me to this bar on broad st (their courtney place) called wayabout. Everyone in the bar was auzzie or NZer. All these gappys and oe-ers came all the way round the world to sit in a bar with other kiwi's drinking lion red. weird. oh and to that chav that said he was gonna smash us in the ashes. Hah. And new zealand isnt part of australia cunt.

Best cocktail ever!!!

Jellied cube of gin and tonic on crisp lime slice

This is good, really good. -and the meanest cocktail to pull out

1 frozen lime - fuck this bit, i just cut it with a knife
2 oz. simple syrup - i guessed they meant sugar syrup
1 1⁄4 tsp. citric acid
1⁄4 tsp. bicarbonate of soda
1⁄4 tsp. confectioner's sugar
1 1⁄2 sheets of sheet gelatin - i used agar powder
1 oz. gin
2 oz. tonic water
Freeze lime and cut into chips with deli slicer. Coat slices in simple syrup and 1 tsp. citric acid; bake at 150 degrees until crisp. Mix bicarbonate of soda, sugar, and remaining citric acid. Soften sheet gelatin in cold water for two minutes. Warm gin and add gelatin. Pour into a shallow baking pan lined with plastic wrap, add tonic, and refrigerate for two hours. Cut into 1⁄2-inch cubes. Put cube onto lime chip, sprinkle on sugar-soda-acid mixture , serve.

it feels really weird and tastes fizzy cause of the powder, amazingly good.
two other ones i tried from from Heston Bulmenthal were caviar on white chocolate, which was good but a freakin waste of money and stawberry with coriander. Mean.

Working at uni

(work = money) and (money = beer) and (beer = fun.) These simple equations led me to believe i need a job. What job you may ask, lab work i say. No shit i cannot tell you how awsome a summer project is. For start the hours. I worked for an hour today, and ive got 3 days off for incubation. Then i got about an hour again. Its a hard life. Second - lump sum payments. They pay you in one amazing town bender payment. I mean its almost as if they're paying you in Matterhorn blow out dollars.

on 2nd thought i think my equations also say that (work = fun) which is not always accurate but it does also suggest (work = beer) so maybe i am on to something.

Shoes

I just bought some shoes from some shop in town. This shop had a bit of a cowboy theme going on... The guy behind the counter was kind of camp... He gave me 25% off for no reason at all...

Are these shoes going to infect me with the gay?

Iraq: Mission Accomplished.

Finally America must have got sick of this Iraq bullshit because they have brought in their own weapon of mass destruction. Chuck Norris, mate.

Check out these photos of his whirlwind tour:





This is no joke. I actually found these on a proper news website. Iraq is fucked. Chuck Norris, mate. Chuck fucking Norris.

Guidelines for a Platonic Friendship

While I was "surfing" the web (looks like I've finally caught up with 90s lingo) I came across a set of Guidelines for Platonic Friendship. While it may have been written by a guy who seems to want to sleep with all his female friends and is all emo that they won't sleep with him, it did get me thinking that maybe some of these rules could be implemented in our group of friends -particularly the "punish by instant sex" bit. Anyway, I've decided to rewrite them (the original is in italics) because guys outnumber girls in the flat so we get to decide everything, bitch:

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.
Hugs are given with full knowledge that there is boobie against body. We're okay with this if you are. Bring on the boobies. Yeah!

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.
If you actually sleep the night in someone's bed then that's just asking for sex -instant sex.

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.
Sitting on the floor may give you haemarhoids, so seat sharing is okay if you understand that 'it' has a mind of its own and you still may end up with a bleeding anus (because haemarhoids make it bleed too. See what I did there?)

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.
This rule is completely irrelevant for me because I'm actually funny always. But flirting probably is bad and could lead to instant sex as punishment.

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.
There are two reasons why your opinion doesn't count and they're both on your chest.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.
There are two reasons why your opinion doesn't count and they're both on your chest.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.
Fee-lings? What is this foreign concept you speak of? Take you're lead from how the guys act on this one. Honesty is paramount.

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.
Wait... if you know someone who wants sex you better hand over their number. And not complain about how they are treated -do we need to repeat the "two reasons" speech?

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.
Realise that guys don't compliment each other on looks -that's pretty fucking gay. But truthful statements like "you're possibly the most funny person ever" are okay, if not accompanied by flirting (see above -punishable by instant sex). Having said that, more compliments, more! My ego is never satisfied! But that could just be me.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.
This stuff, particularly if we know the guy, makes us uncomfortable and we're probably going to have to punish you for this by making bad calls. Hypothetical is hypothetically ok.

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.
"Sex and beer, sex and beer are the two things we hold dear!" sings Pat McSomething-or-other in some song of his. Man-work requires reward with either one of these.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.
If both parties are okay with contact and know it means nothing then its fine. Otherwise, instant sex.

13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?
We've already kind of established this with the blowjob rule. Sex, beer or reciprocation. There's no such thing as a free lunch, or a massage.

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.
If you choose to date someone, don't complain to us about them. Chances are, we don't care. You got yourself into the situation.

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.
There are two reasons...

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.
When a guy is truly friends with a girl, he doesn't see them as a sexual being at all (this is assuming the above rules have been followed). Changing this will take a big effort, like getting your boobies out and smooshing them in his face. That should get the point across...

Actually, now reading through the revised rules I've decided it's impossible to write such a list without sounding emo. This sucks as all I wanted to do was introduce the idea of instant sex as a punishment...

In conclusion, something.

A vote for al or the Tequila

I fear that if we allow this current bout of hostility directed by al towards tequila to continue our very safety may be in danger. Scurvy is a very real menace that may strike any of us next year and tyson aside, this is very worrying. The major risk groups are

1 - The impoverished - students aren't exactly rolling in cash (bar kate, she's from auckland)
2 - Pirates - i like pirates. a lot. That puts me at risk.
4 - Alcoholics - aka scarfies
3 - the elderly - and lets be truthful, 3rd year is pretty old.

While even eating a cup of potatoes can ensure you recieve the 5mg of vit c needed to ward off scurvy this is obviously not possible with amy's bizarre and frankly ludicris dietry naunces, i feel we shall surely fall prey to terror of scurvy.
as such i can see one cure - tequila shots and their obligatory lime/lemon wedges.

sorry al but for the good of us all your going to have to take a hard pill

Tequila

This should be illegal. My head hurts.

Ghost Riding

Apparently this is what all the cool kids are doing. So I tried it. Basically, while your car is still moving you get out and dance on the bonnet. This is me trying to dance on the bonnet of my car -the car that I bought because James told me too. Unfortunately someone stole this car that I actually bought from me while I was ghost riding -as you will seee in the video.



Therefore, someone else now needs to get a car for the flat. James?

hey this is the shit

i luv borat, he is very nice

vroom vroom

Exams are finally over! Beer has never tasted so good.
what i really want to express though is an issue that is that i have now changed my stance on a pivotal issue that may have dire consequences on my personility. Namely i luv manuals. Arrest your gasps, for i am not saying automatics are shit but driving back from the airport, three years since you last used one incredibly hungover was one of the greatest trips ever- even with unintended traction failure while taking off outside the cook (lucky greg wont find bout that or me changing the radio to zm, the prospect of that rollin song by chamelion coming on was too tempting.)
p.s. this looks sweet, i want one. i wanna try seeing if it could do a tyson's hand and can of guiness protein smoothie
drivings awsome, i reckon a road trip is in order.

Tyson is a legend

Okay so I wouldn't normally say this, but today this is actually true. When two guys embark on a drinking session with Tyson and niether of them make it to their flights home in the morning, that's just awesome.

But then again, Tyson has been known to urinate on girlfriends in the past, so maybe he's not that awesome...

In other news, apparently during this drinking session Clifford got slipped the didge by a pre-op transvestite prostitute.

Also, yay for the drinking age staying at 18 -have a celebratory blackout.

Tyson is a slut

This is the second in my series of "Tyson is a..." posts. It may also be the last as I can not think of any more things that Tyson is off the top of my head.

Earlier this year I believe it was Gabby that finally said what we'd all been thinking: "Tyson, you're a slut, aren't you?" This evidence for this accusation is self-evident, so it is evident that I do not need to make evident any evidence of the accused actions, evidently. The fact that I used so many derivatives of the word "evidence" surely proves that Tyson is in fact a slut.

However, I would like to shed a different light onto this issue in the hope the Tyson may in the future be less stigmatised for his slutiness. We may be missing some sort of cultural adjustment that he has failed to make since moving to New Zealand. Much in the way the token Indonesian kid at my primary school on his first day at the school took a piss in the gutter because he didn't no better (or maybe it was just that he didn't speak ANY english and couldn't find out where the toilets were... good times), perhaps some similar misunderstanding is occuring with Tyson. I evidence the following statistic from a recent study:
One in ten Canadians wants polygamy legalised and a further 10% don't know.
This shows that one in five Canadians has polygamist sympathies.
Now lets take a look at the five Canadians that I know personally:
1. Tyson
2. Laura
3. Victoria
4. George Bush
5. That ex-girlfriend of mine Devon (or was it Devan? I probably should know that...)
The only one of the above that I could suspect to have polygamist sympathies is Tyson -everything fits. He even comes from the right area (apparently all the polygamists hang out in B.C. -see the previous link).

In conclusion, Tyson is not so much a slut, maybe more of a polygamist. Let's change the attitude, guys. Be less judgemental.

Study is so friggin boring

This is quite possibly the best song ever, now in saying that im not calling tenacious D a liar, his song was the greatest song in the world, just times change and its been unsurped. Reminds me of the time al said i'm the greatest al in the world so i decided to call myself al. That may not of happened but it could of.
luv #1 al

Dunedin Fashion

Get with the latest Dunedin fashion. You've all seen those I *heart* New York T-shirts and the more risque I *airplane* New York shirts, but now you can be ahead of a craze that is sweeping the developed world.

Print off this image and make a stencil now!



Makes an ideal Christmas present for friends and family. Even if you don't know Al Dunne, now you can pretend you do!

Apologies

Yesterday I was the most stressed I've ever been. I'm not as stressed anymore. My exam went ok -better than expected- so that's good. I would like to apologise to the following people for my stress-induced actions:

- Benny for trying to fight him constantly.
- Jamie for attacking him with the baseball bat and then chasing him down the corridor and throwing it at him.
- James and Tyson for trashing the double A.

But it all honesty, you guys were probably all asking for it, at least a little bit...

Tyson is a rascist

Through the time I have known Tyson he has always talked about the native Canadians, or "First Nations" as they are more correctly referred to, as a bunch of drunk, inbred, violent and retarded hicks with overbits. Apparently they all cousins, and they'll all stab you for making fun of indians. More importantly, none of them are hot. However, as recently spotted rock formation in Canada of an indian listening to an iPod suggests that maybe the First Nations have been underestimated by Tyson. It seems they managed to carve a massive head into a mountain range. The image appears below:



Now in this day and age of internet hoaxes I must point out that this is actually real and can be spotted with Google Earth, as this link confirms. Tyson, stop being so rascist. I fear for James' safety next year.

Benny hits me with a bat

It's guy fox season. We brought sparklers. Its hard to make videos at nite so benny hit me with a bat and we videoed it.

Super Heroes in our midst...

I'm bored, so I decided that if we were super heroes (or in Kate's case super villains) this is what it would probobly be like. God this was an amazing waste of time...

White men can't dance

Proof once and for all that a 20 box of ranfurly should not be imbimbed if you plan to get your groove on. Much respect though Al for trying, and to Jaclyn - wtf do u have a labcoat on for.
P.S. Watch Kate in the background totally oblivious. She must of had 4 sips of wine instead of 3.

Rape

Jamie attempted to mouth-rape me and kissed my chin. You can't say that counts as scoring. If anything it counts as sexual assualt. Now you wouldn't make fun of a girl if Jamie had ambushed her in the gardens and done some kinky bondage shit to her on the gates, so this should not be a joke.

Now you may say I'm taking this too far, but this most certainly counts as sexual violation under the Rape Crisis New Zealand criteria. It should also be noted that according to this website only 15% of sexual assault victims actually go to the police, so it seems I am in the silent majority, as sad as this is.

In a country where it is claimed that 1 in 4 women will experience sexual violence of some nature during their lives and the figures for men are considered only the tip of the iceberg due to societal pressures stopping men reporting it, monsters like Jamie must be labelled as what they are -rapists. If this man has assaulted you then please post your story in the comments -you're privacy and anonimity is guaranteed... kind of.



However, I don't know what Amy and Kate's excuses are. I guess they're just sluts.

Hygenix

Ok, this is probally a bit late to think bout this stuff my future flatmates have
- urinated in the fresh fruit section of a fridge
- urinated on a gf
- urinated on a bed
- been a coll boy
- tried to buy coke at copa
- scored jamie - no shit 3 flatmates really did - 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just really hope the others don't turn me n tyson feral.

Drinking age

So maybe the drinking age is going up. Maybe it isn't. Who knows, really? Maybe this site could help tell you how it's going (don't worry, it's not porn). Apparently it's all because of people actually under 18 being adversely affected by the law change...Like this cunt at age 17:



Lets for a moment look at the pros and cons of a law change:

Pros:
-we can sell homebrew to freshers for heaps.
-we can lure fresher girls into our flat with alcohol.
-we'll have Gardies and the Cook to ourselves.
-maybe the price of alcohol will go down with decreased demand?

Cons:
-we can get in lots of shit for supplying alcohol to minors.
-no slutty girls in KC's and Two Bears.
-would kinda destroy Knox and Scarfie culture.

In conclusion, there aren't enough drunk girls around at all. Sluts go off.

Tyson and i lay down sum Haiku's

Al is a poo head
wat he gonna do bout it
i guess just smell bad

no haiku's rite now
i have to work james, my friend
fuk off i said no

Tyson is a slut
he wants to have poo poo sex
he smells bad also

amy is a girl
no shit man, she has boobies
hellen has nice boobs

kate is great at stuff
like this and that and things too
i hope she can cook

when al gets laid next
we will hold a big party
the theme - als not gay

unless it's a guy
that he brings home to sleep with
that would be creepy

wen tyson gets laid
it wont be as exciting
cuz he has a girl

the theme could be though
"tyson gets it once a month"
and he favours bum

it wont work for kate
cuz she gets it, draught on tap
just like gardies drop

for amy, a theme?
i can see only one choice
"amy is a slut"

james is the token
he is not white but dark brown
but plz dont lynch him

the theme for his bash
he disputes with dull tyson
"james likes dogfart sluts"

is not a good theme
for james has never scored blonde
except gutter girl

Don't screw the crew

Okay guys, I know Amy's a bit of a slut but try and restrain yourselves. I don't want to walk in on you guys again and be forced to take another picture to put on the internet. Disgusting.

New Flatmate

Hooray!

As many of you probobly didn't know there is actually five bedrooms in the Pink Pearl. As of a short time ago we had only filled four of these. Unfortunately, we have now found another flatmate to fill this vancancy. Or rather she found us... It was actually kind of creepy really. Me and Alastair were quietly getting blackout drunk on a mini keg of some abstract russian beer (Baltika V) when WHAM! Out of nowhere Al had syphillus and Kate had appeared. She told us to call her Kate since to pronouce her real name we would have to dislocate our jaws and scream obscenities while choking on the blood we lost while cutting out our own tongues. We figured she must be foreign. Below is an artist's rendering of what this encounter actually looked like.

Disclaimer: Artist may have been drunk on mysterious/magical beer whilst experiencing the above situation. Also, artist may be generally retarded or "reality challenged."

Smurfette: Slut or misunderstood

Ok in a donnie darko inspired moment i stumbled across this on wikipedia; smurfette was a sex toy made of clay created by gargemal to lure the other smurfs back to his liar, where he could do things...., and stuff.... to them. This didn't work though as she had long spiky black hair which obviously was a representation of the fact she was a bitch. Thats when papa smurf took her in and showed her some smurf luvin, plus a hefty dose of plastic smurfery. This saved her and to symbolize her change her hair went blonde - i kid u not.
Porn isn't the only genre the smurfs have broken into, infact this video gives "band of brothers" a run for its money, i mean i fully get that war is bad and unicef good, but to show this by takin kids cartoon characters in their happy little village and then bombing the smurfs back into the stone age complete with wonton smurf genocide is awsomely random.
The basic jist of this blog being, smurfette probably tapped papa smurf, but back when she was a brunette, cause brunettes are sluts.

Strange happenings

Ummmm so I was walking past the chapel just then, and there was a ghost in their. But don't worry, he wasn't scary. It's not like I wet myself and had to run to my room to change. The ladies should know that I mastered the art of continence long ago (impressive aye?). Anyway so the ghost was actually a friendly ghost... I think. It definitely was no Casper -it was more friendly in a 'hey I'm retarded' kind of way. Like that first time you meet Jamie.
But then Jesus was there as well and he was like 'oi you ghost, what are you doing in my chapel?!' Then, even though it was sunny and the sun was actually in the chapel so it should have been like really hot and light, it went really dark and cold. Then Jesus started going all dragonball-z on the ghost and the whole chapel ended up getting flattened. So yeah, that's what happened. I took a photo:

Pirates and Whores

Ahoy Maties,

I was disappointed to learn that the flat warming I was most looking forward to this year is not happening. However the responsibility to host this party (themed pirates and whores) has been passed on to me. And what better flat to have it at than The Black Pearl (well thats if that name gets voted in and with other contenders such as (dare I say it) 'Amy is a slut' it is not certain). Hence I am warning you now so that you can get your costumes ready. Ninjas beware.

So I was in bed the other night thinking about this party and it hit me. Seems its a guy based flat why not have Pirates playing in the background - Im sure the guys (not you James as you will probably object to this as theres no Georges clad in football attire) will appreciate it. So after swearing to take photographic evidence of the night I am now left with setting a date and deciding on my costume.

P.s Tyson you should go as a whore - it will suit you better (love you)

Awwwww how cute!

Many of you will have heard about James' recent hot date to a secluded piece of New Zealand's pristine coastline for a romantic horse ride (those of you that haven't must be our random American visitors -it is good to see that we are already developing a halfcore -we're not quite hardcore yet- fanbase).

Obviously I decided to tag along and take photos, and one of the best is shown below. It is very candid because they did not know I was watching. Not that I'm a stalker or anything... everyone photographs their neighbours in the shower, right? Anyway, the photo (which is of very high quality by the way) -I have labelled it so it is more easy to see what I have drawn... I mean photographed:



See what I did there? I turned this whole post into an elaborate way of saying that James is whipped! How clever was that? I'd say about a seven.

i luv boys this much

8============================D

BIER MACHT FREI

HERZLICHEN WILKOMMEN BEI BIERGEN-BELSEN!




BIER HEIL!
BIER HEIL!
BIER HEIL!




p.s. this is not some neo-nazi type statement I'm trying to make here. It's more like, hey, Germans are famous for beer and Nazis, why not combine them for comical relief. And just because I could be an Aryan poster boy with the hair and the eyes and the German-speaking doesn't mean shit. I could do a gay porno too, but that doesn't mean I actually am gay. I have suspicions about Tyson though... on both the Nazi and the gay thing.

But in summary, I'm a family man at heart. Like peace and all that hippy shit -as the guys from 'Flight of the Conchords' say:

"Redheads not warheads; blondes not bombs, we're talking about brunettes not fighter jets -ohhhhhhhh it's gotta be sweet sixteens not F16s."

Except maybe for the redhead bit... And the sweet sixteens -that is way passed use-by date.

Drinking Games

When i decided to attend Otago i was swayed by several factors, namely gardies and cook are legendery and that cunt marc ellis said it was mean. What the brochures don't tell you is just how ingrained drinking is here. Looking back on the years highlights, Cookathon, Undie 500, dat nite jamie shat himself, dat nite jamie pissed on tysons bed then dry humped a block of cheese till he bled, the time at the cook - that covers quite a few nights, the bender, any nite with circle of death, Tim's flat warming - or so i heard, quiz nite (cook and knox) and black'n'white; all have one thing in common - alcohol. I forgot wat i was talkin bout. I think i was takin a sweeping tangent that would lead to this. I wanna set up a beiret(beer pong) league. In the states the national league has a 20,000 dollar first prize, and it looks like this game beats even "i hav never" hands down. In fact i am gonna c if i can get my wardrobe door off it's hinges to play, rite now.

Blog Wars

Tyson today has unleashed a monster, a terrible horrible monster that is so terrifying and scary it makes this seem insignificant(That by the way is a cheeseburger pizza, i know i had 2 change my pants too, off varisity.co.nz. Just the conception, utter brilliance. I bet they were disney imagineers, they think up that sort of shit for a living.)
But back 2 tyson, i truly fear that this blog will degenerate into a series of retalitory assualts after his questioning of my sexual orientation. Tyson you are a slut. There i said it. Second i hav a gf and as you and i are the only 2 in the flat that have not scored the same gender i feel the others are a better outlet for our homophobic sentiments. Thirdly we should make a macca's pizza, it looks mean.

I'm Infertile

Look guys,

Sorry to be unexciting or anything but I'm not having a baby named spike. As a child I wanted to be a carpenter and had an unfortunate accident while playing with a nail gun. Now my nail gun, so to speak, shoots blanks. Also, we all know that I lost my genitals (along with my self-worth and my dignity) when I started dating Laura. Besides, if I were to get Laura pregnant through some sort of immaculate conception, I would be the first to shove it in a toaster. Actually I'd probably just punch her in the ovaries before the bastard escaped his fleshy prison. While I'm ranting though, I think James likes boys... I'm glad Al's room is closer to his than mine.

Pet baby

Apparently we're getting a pet baby or something. Called spike (it hasn't earned a capital yet), I think. I don't like this idea. First of all, if Tyson doesn't hurry up and get Laura knocked up, we won't get the baby till like 2nd semester next year, at which point there won't be much time to teach it some sweet tricks (like opening our beer bottles by teething on them).

Spike, the first time me and you are home alone, you're going in the toaster. Slut.

Procrastination

This has to be one of the best forms of procrastination around. I bet the number of bloggers spike during exam periods and then get abandoned soon after. Not this one though. We're in it for the long haul. Like this long ____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________ => (it keeps going more)

That's pretty long, but still small in comparison to what I'm packing in my pants. A huge shit because I shit myself. Nah just kidding I'm not Jamie.

Anyway, toxic megacolon won't learn itself. It will swell and burst, filling the abdominal cavity with shit. Yay for med school knowledge.

The Flat Mates

First up Tyson

Canadian by birth with the accompanying hippy mentality, clothing and smell.















Then there is Amy, a luvable girl from a town were 75% of sexually active teenagers have an STI.

And al and james, two welly boys dat luv ranfurly, vodka and their appendages.

then theres the fifth flat mate, a creature so scary i dearnt mention it's name.

The Gong

Many moons ago in a mythical land called taiwan a mighty gong was forged from the fires of asia land. This magical creature traveled the deepest, darkest corners of the world before coming to rest on trade me. That is where we join it on our journey and through fierce bidding it was secured. Its purpose was obvious, a sex gong to be rung to high heaven after copius copulation. mmm copulation. namely it was decreed that all who got snoo snoo in the flat must ring said bell the next morn. luv the gong.

Our flat 2007

Dunedin, home of gardies, the cook and the university that supports them. Since 2005 knox has been our base in dunedin but now my mates and i are finally heading out into the world of flatting. Our aim, pass our degrees, get magnificantly drunk and not die.

So for next year our abode is sorted... mean.